As an avid sports fan who reads the sports page on a daily basis I couldn't help but notice that columnust Ferd Lewis has written another piece which made me want to try and fix. I insist that i'm not picking on him. Just because I edited his work last week doesn't mean that I don't enjoy his articles. Since i've taken this class i've noticed that my attention to detail has hit an all-time high. Normally I would disregard the errors in the articles. However, now that I have been editing on a weekly basis it seems as if there is an imagnary red pencil in my hand at all times.
Lewis wrote about the idea of not having to pay for Univeristy of Hawaii road games. Having watched UH football for over ten years, I simply can't fathom having to shell out sixty bucks to watch Hawaii play some crappy team.
The sentence that I want to change reads, "That's both good news and an idea whose time has come for those who shoulder the brunt of underwriting Warriors football and, by extension, much of the 19-sport UH athletic program.
This is what I would write, "University of Hawaii sports enthusiasts can breathe a sigh of relief now that future road games could possibly make it to free televison."
I decided to change the sentence because upon first read I was like "huh?" I understand what he is trying to say but the use of underwriting may confuse those who don't understand the meaning. I just condensed everything to make it easier to read. I should stop picking on Lewis or maybe I should just stop reading the sports page.
Ry
1 comment:
Good job on that sentence, Ry. I don't think you're picking on Lewis; he probably needs a better editor than the one he has. Keep reading him and writing about his sentences--you could wind up with a job :)
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