I read through everyone's posts about the badly written letter we are to edit. I think the one thing that has been overlooked is that this is a solicitation letter or request. I worked for a firm that sent these out regularly after business had been completed. That being said, they are usually a template situation that are made to cut and past names into certain points of the letter. What this plumber is trying to do is get referrals. A complete rewrite is almost necessary to make it flow better.
As for the beginning, I think the "Aloha!" should be completely taken out. I do not think that is how a business letter should even start.