Friday, October 19, 2007

Clarity

Hey guys,

Looks like I'm the caboose this week! Sorry so late! Here's a sentence I found in the Honolulu Advertiser regarding yesterday's scrimmage after the boys had their "mock draft." I think maybe the author could have been more clear about his point. At any rate, here's the sentence:


"The deal was finalized a minute before the game's start, further evidence that practice isn't always essential."

I would probably break it up into two sentences and say:

"The deal was finalized a minute before the game's start. This quick decision making was further evidence that practice isn't always essential."

However, I'm still not sure what the author was trying to say?

1 comment:

Pat said...

Nice job of editing, Chantel.

I'm also unsure of what the author was trying to say. Maybe one of the sports fans in the class can tell us…